Welcome to our new blog which features the poetic musings of a very special mind. Sit back and enjoy. Poems will be added regularly, or until the very special mind is exhausted.
On the Death of Heston
Charlton, you are dead.
No more thoughts inside your head.
Your hands are cold, so sad to say,
You will not see another day.
But I can still revel in thee, yes I can,
Simply by watching The Omega Man.
Your looks of bronze, your body lean,
Like it was also in Soylent Green.
And Planet of the Apes, wow, what a thrill,
They should name your birth town Hestonville.
You were simply fab on the big screen,
But, alas, there, you'll no longer be seen.
So, farewell, Chuck, you gun-toting looney
The cinemas are now ruled by Mr. Clooney.
Cat with an Infection
There's only one a thing a worse than a blocked colon,
And that, ladies, is when a your vulva is a-swollen,
'Cause be you a human or be you a cat,
No Madame wants a vulva that's a lookin' a fat,
You canna be wearing the finest a Gucci skirt,
But underneath...mamma mia! does that thing hurt.
So keep it a well lotioned and you will a find-a,
That you won't a never have to a worry about an ugly vagina.
Bears of all kinds
Polar bear, fur of white
Claws so fierce, vicious bite.
Alec Baldwin, fur so dark
When irate, nasty bark.
On the Inevitability of Cancer
I am but a little fish in the ocean of life,
You could call me Nemo.
But now I find out that I've a one-in-two chance,
Of being exposed to Chemo.
On the Inevitability of Aging
Obviously when I become an old-timer,
I'm going to have that disease, Alzheimer,
'Cause the drinkin' I do and the junk I eat,
Will make my memory obsolete
So, I better live life while I still have the chance,
And always remember to put on my pants,
'Cause when I turn sixty and the lawn I am mowing,
Odds are, you guessed it, my wang will be showing.
The Olympic Torch: A History
While Hitler sat upon his porch
He had a thought about a torch
And decided that big fiery flames
Would be a nice start to the Olympic Games.
On meeting my Googleganger
Wanted to meet my googleganger
Turns out he was a noodlebanger.
By noodle, of course, I mean wang
And, oh, how low that wang did hang.
If dreams could come true
If we could do what we wanted to
Mondays wouldn't be so blue.
Tuesdays, wouldn't be so sucky
and Hump Day would mean "getting lucky"
TGIF would be a meaningless motto
So, I think it's time we start playing the lotto.
Monday Morning Haikus
Had some beer last night
At five, my alarm woke me
I fucking hate work.
Now that spring is here
And I have put on some weight
No more chips for me.
Short and sweet
This is the church and this is the steeple,
And this is the hand that slaps stupid people!
The Sad Decline of Stephen Chow
Remember when Stephen Chow was funny,
We'd rush to the theatre and shell out money,
But sad to say he's now lost face,
And has become a Chevy Chase.
Benedict XVI in New York
A Nazi who somehow turned Pope
Was trying to raise Catholic hope
He went to Stadium Yankee
Told an altar boy, "Spank Me"
And handed him a soap-on-a-rope.
Benedict XVI renamed Pepe
Pepe, Pepe,...he's our hero
He is blessing the Ground Zero
Pepe, Pepe...he's our man.
If he can't bless it, no one can.
Go, Pepe! Go, Pepe! Go, Pepe!
Yay, team!
McDump I
In an office, there worked a man
Who had a hang-up 'bout using the can
In order to do his number 2 chore
He used the john on another floor
But Nanuk caught on to his little game
And so we decided to give him a name
And that's why this man with the troublesome rump
Is henceforth known as Sneaky McDump
McDump II
Within the confines of office walls,
Sits a man in a bathroom stall,
What's going on behind that door?
And why is he here on Nanuk's floor?
What's his secret? What's his story?
Sounds like he should be a guest on Maury.
Or seek some help from Doctor Phil,
To cure him of this bathroom ill.
A mystery...if one's ever been seen
He should grace the cover of a magazine.
Of course, not "O" 'cause Oprah's gracing front and back,
Like she does every month, the megalomaniac!
So, for the moment, this sad little chump,
Will continue to sneak around for a dump.
